NATIONAL
ASSOCIATION
OF SOCIAL
WORKERS IN
EDUCATION

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Overcoming School Refusal

If only children came with an owners manual at birth.

Cars do, computers do, even flatpack wardrobes do -but children don't. So, as adults we are left to work things out on our own, in the best way that we can. Whether as a parent or in a professional role working with children, the challenge is to do a good job of this! Mostly, this arrangement works out perfectly - with the vast majority of children growing up to lead happy and productive lives. But at other times, unfortunately, things don't work out so well and families may feel they need to seek help. Some find the help that's needed from friends, family, from their child's school or other services. When the difficulties manifest themselves in chronic school refusal, something different may be needed. Just think about how impossible it sometimes seems to make a difference to the lives of the children on your case list. Do you ever feel there are too many children, too little time, too few resources? There is a way forward.

I have developed my approach to school refusal after 20years as a teacher and the last 3 years as an independent child and adolescent therapist. I always work from a clear understanding that whatever has gone wrong, everyone has done the best they can …and that sometimes a guiding hand to help them find the way out of their difficulties is all that's needed. When a child is refusing to go to school, and stalemate has been reached , something different needs to be done to break through and bring about a change. My success rate is very high- referrals are usually made after a prolonged period of extreme difficulty and every body concerned will do just about anything I suggest to help. Sometimes suicide may have been attempted or threatened . Sometimes the child has made their world smaller and smaller and safer and safer until they live just in their own room. All my interventions are different and appropriate to the individual but there are certain underlying principals which drive my approach and result in success. There is no rocket science involved here- the ideas are straightforward and are effective. The simplest things often work the best!

I have three training days coming up early this year to help other professionals develop their understanding and skills in overcoming school refusal. However, I will share some of the magic with you now. The Mercedes Diagram is the model that I use as a starting point when first meeting a child . When aiming to bring about a change, it is essential first to get a clear picture of the present situation. Too much problem talk results in that problem continuing. So I work to quickly understand the child's own perception of what is happening - concentrating on their own thoughts, feelings and the things they are doing to ensure they do not go to school. In order to do this I map out the "how" part of the problem on the Mercedes Diagram as below. This often creates a picture of negative self-talk, circular thought patterns, low self esteem, anxiety, sometimes even anxiety about anxiety and a "shut-down" body language. Sometimes there may be physical pains or other symptoms of illness that have no apparent cause but are nevertheless real. When it comes to working out how or what they are feeling, I find that children's emotional vocabulary is very limited, so I elicit a metaphor for how they feel-"When that happens, what colour is that?" Sometimes emotions may be represented by a sound or a picture. One child described how he felt as being like the Scream horror mask. Another that her anger was red like flames.

Change starts to happen when something -anything- on that map is different. The Mercedes Model helps me to target my help precisely. As a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming[*] I have many wonderful tools in my toolbox to work with, starting with simple language patterns that presuppose things will be different -that change is possible. I may teach them effective anxiety management strategies including a wonderfully effective self hypnosis technique and develop their ability to be positive about themselves. I may work on helping them get rid of their negative expectations of failure and humiliation in the future which they may be running as a "disaster movie" in their heads and replace it with a compelling picture of success.

Working systemically, I encourage parents to consider what they might have done to help their child create the problem. Although sometimes uncomfortable at first, in considering their role in creating the problem in a respectful and supportive way, they can then take part in discussions about what could be different. I understand that they have done their best and made the best choices they could at the time.

I often find it useful to describe myself as a Change Therapist - and when, through using The Mercedes Model, I have helped the child find something they could do differently, change usually happens quickly. I hope I have whetted your appetite for more... look forward to the flood of enquiries...

Carol Hargreaves

ACHIEVE

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